~Side: Mako~
“—-Now. I’ve said most of what I wanted to say… It’s almost time for the last hour of school. Shall I be leaving now?”
My best friend Kanakana, she confessed to me, warned me, scolded me and advised me. Kanakana sneaks a slight tear while embarrassed and wipes it away, then smiles at me and says so.
“Ah… Then, I’ll escort you, Kanakana.”
Today—- Aah, no, it’s not just today— I’ve been particularly helped by Kanakana today. I’m not sure I’ll be able to make up for that… I would at least like to accompany her with an apology and a thank you.
That’s what I thought so I suggested to her, but…
“….Haaa”
Kanakana sighs loudly at my comment, as if to say ‘What the hell are you saying now?’. Eh, eh…? Kanakana’s reaction… Maybe… I’ve done something to offend Kanakana again?
“Mako… you…”
“Y-Yeah…? What, Kanakana…?”
“Too considerate. Am I supposed to go home with the person who dumped me? What is this punishment game? Does Mako want to humiliate me? You don’t think about leaving your broken-hearted partner alone at least for today?”
“Eh… Aah!”
I suddenly realize when Kanakana says it. Am I an idiot…!? It would be extremely humiliating even if you weren’t Kanakana ‘to have to go home with the person who dumped you’.
Now that she mentions it—- Am I really that hopeless that I can’t understand it without being told about it…!?
“I’m sorry, Kanakana! I didn’t mean anything ill by it!? Just that, I, etto…”
“Oh my, I was joking.”
“…. Huh?”
As I hurry to explain myself in a panic, Kanakana gives me a small laugh and tells me she’s joking. Eh, it’s a joke…? She’s not angry…?
“I’m not angry with you, so don’t worry, Mako. I know you care about me in your own way.”
“U, un…”
“… Just that, let’s not go home together today. Your house and mine are in opposite directions… And”
“And?”
“I know Mako is planning to stay here a little longer? You, about today, about the future… You look like you want to collect your thoughts alone.”
“….”
I’m surprised at Kanakana guessing what’s on my mind. Is my best friend an ESPer or something…?
“How did you see through me…?”
“Why are you making me repeat myself. Do you have any idea how much I’ve seen you, Mako. I know what the person I’m in love with is thinking.”
“I-is that so…?”
Again she puffed her breasts (flat) and Kanakana talked proudly…. Kanakana, you’re really, amazing…
“Then, I’m leaving now… Mako, I just want to say one last thing.”
Kanakana stands up tall, looks at me and says.
“Mako, next time don’t make a mistake. This time, get your answer right. If you’re going to give the same kind of nonsense answer that you gave to me… This time, I really won’t forgive you.”
“… Kanakana.”
“Please. Prove to me that I wasn’t wrong to fall in love with you. I’m proud that I fell in love with Mako. That’s why, from now on… Be proud of who you are.”
In all seriousness, with honest eyes, my best friend is… who likes me says that to me…. Un, she’s right. She is…
“I understand. I’m fine. Though I’m hopeless… This time, I won’t make a mistake.”
“… Okay. You’ve a good expression and gave me a good reply. That’s the Mako I fell in love with.”
Kanakana, who nodded in satisfaction at my reply, waved her hand and quickly left the rooftop as if to say she had no more regrets.
Aah… No, I still haven’t—-
“Wai-Wait! Wait, Kanakana!”
I rush to stop Kanakana. When stopped, Kanakana turns around with a doubtful look on her face.
“….? What is it, Mako? Do you need something else?”
“Ah, no… No, it’s not like I need something, but… I have one last thing to say to Kanakana too.”
“… Something to say to me…?”
I don’t know if I’m the right person to say this, having just rejected Kanakana. That could be an insult to Kanakana, and for Kanakana it could be an act of rubbing salt in the wound.
But… I want to say this. I desire to say it…! Taking a deep breath, I tell Kanakana my feelings.
“I’m really happy that Kanakana is my best friend. I was really delighted to hear Kanakana say she liked me.”
“… Mako.”
This is not deceiving myself or anything, it’s my heartfelt feelings. For the first time in my life, she made a passionate confession to me… that it was my best friend… I’m super happy.
“Kanakana told me earlier that liking me was something to be proud of… I, too… I’m proud that Kanakana likes me! That’s why… That’s why!”
“….”
“Thank you so much, Kanakana!”
I won’t say ‘I’m sorry’ anymore. What I really need to say is this one word. I think about this, and I bow my head to Kanakana and tell her how much I think about her.
Kanakana laughed bitterly at my comment,
“… Jeez. I told you there’s no point in increasing the like value after they’ve confessed to you or after you’ve rejected them, Mako. Don’t say happy things after it’s all over, you idiot.”
She left the rooftop with a small murmur.
~Side: Kanakana~
“… Haaaa.”
After closing the door on the roof, I let out a small sigh and sat down to lean against the door. And then, with my head in my hands and in a voice just loud enough for Mako on the roof not to hear—-
“…. Why am, I an idiot…!?”
I muttered out. Aah, I’m an idiot. Really, an idiot. I’m such a hopeless idiot that I can’t even compare to Mako….
“Why… Why of all people I’d send salt to my rival(Koma-chan)…!?”
If I really like Mako, then I should really go and get her. I should’ve just cry in front of Mako or make myself look weak. Mako is such a sweet girl that she’d be worried about me, and I’m sure she’ll be easily won over by that.
But I didn’t do that at all… And I indirectly encouraged Mako to fall in love with her love interest, Koma-chan. I’ve given her pinpoint advice, too…
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Really, why… I’m too big of an idiot!? I’m an unbelievable clown, a pierrot!?”
I’m rolling around on the floor in agony, disgusted at my own stupidity. Ah, jeez… Why did I do that…!? I should have ended today with just hearing Mako’s reply to my confession… How stupid am I to meddle so much for the sake of my love rival…!?
I was told Mako’s mega traumatic story that even Koma didn’t know about… If I used that to my advantage and healed Mako, then… I might have still had a chance…
Ah, I think I’m going to cry a bit… Even though I cried so much earlier, I’m still going to cry….
“… But, though… I couldn’t help myself…”
I rolled around on the spot for a while in self-loathing until I calmed down. I let out one sigh, which I don’t know how many times today, and forced myself to convince myself that.
That’s right, I couldn’t help myself. I’d be lying if I said I had no regrets— Actually, I have plenty of unresolved feelings and regrets. But… I had no other choice.
“Because, I… I love Koma-chan and I can’t help but love her, because I’ve fallen in love with Mako.” (TN: It should be Mako not Koma-chan, or the author intended it?)
The day I first met Mako, is the day I fell in love with her… I’ll probably never forget it. I was a coward to love, and a girl appeared in front of me—- I will never forget the words of Mako, who was seriously in love with her own sister.
“—- I only live once, and whoever I fall in love with, that’s my choice. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, and there’s no reason for anyone else to deny my feelings…. Rather, I only live once, so it would be a shame if I didn’t love the person I fell in love with the most.”
She was in love with Koma-chan, and Mako’s words saved my life. I was in love with Mako who was in love with Koma-chan.
“… That’s why. There’s no point… dating Mako if she’s not in love with Koma.”
… That’s why… I did that. I just have to accept that I had no other choices.
“… But. But, you know…”
I remember what Mako said to me just now.
“Kanakana told me earlier that liking me was something to be proud of… I, too… I’m proud that Kanakana likes me! That’s why… That’s why! Thank you very much, Kanakana!”
Mako looked at me with moist eyes and tried her best to tell me how she honestly felt. Mako said the one thing I wanted to hear the most.
“Aah, she’s…. Mako is such a sinful little imp…”
I’m at a loss… I should have been rejected more thoroughly than this.
“… I’m falling more and more in love with you, Mako…”
~Side: Mako~
After Kanakana left the rooftop, I… Mako Tachibana was lying on the rooftop in a big mess, not caring that my uniform was dirty.
“… I’m an unimaginable idiot.”
I mutter to myself, amazed at my own stupidity… Aah, I’m really an idiot. I’m a great fool.
I gave the worst possible confessional answer to Kanakana, who confessed to this me… And on top of that, I can’t believe that Kanakana, who I had rejected, made me realize my feelings…
“… Kanakana, is kind.”
She could have been more abusive towards me for dealing with her like that. Kanakana should’ve had every right to do that. Even if she did… Kanakana, my best friend, not only doesn’t do that… when I rejected her but she corrected my mistakes.
On top of that, she gave me advice to help me move on… I’m really blessed. I’m a bit too blessed to have such a great best friend…
“That’s why this time, Kanakana is right… I’ll have to make sure I don’t make a mistake this time”
I promised Kanakana that ‘I would never make a mistake this time’. Then for her sake, and for my own… I have to look properly at what I have to do next.
“First is… My love.”
I’m slowly and calmly thinking about Kanakana’s advice.
“You… You like Koma-chan…! Not as your family. And not as your sister. As a girl… You love Koma, you love her so much…! You’re in love with your little sister, Koma-chan…!”
I’m in love… Aah, it’s as she says. As a girl… I love Koma. This is a fact that I don’t have to think about and Kanakana doesn’t have to point out to understand…Then, why didn’t I understand this?
“You’re deceiving yourself! My own feelings and your own feelings!”
… No, it’s not like I didn’t understand. I, as Kanakana said… I was deceiving myself. The truth is, I knew it all along. Not only in a familial or sisterly sense, but also that I was in love with Koma as Tachibana Mako. But… I was deceiving myself.
“… Then, why was I deceiving myself…?”
… The reason that pops up immediately is… If Koma finds out I’m in love with her… Koma’ll be disturbed… It could make Koma’s taste disorder worse… something like that?
“… No. That’s just me deceiving myself. Koma’s taste disorder is an excuse to run away…”
The answer is probably simple. I…. I was afraid, I think. From being rejected by Koma ‘Nee-sama, you’re disgusting’.
If the Koma sees through feelings of love… Koma would probably be surprised, because she didn’t know I would be in love with her. If only it was a surprise… Being in love with a girl and even with your twin little sister… Normally, she’d be taken aback or reject me. I don’t care if someone else is taken aback or rejects me. But, I…. just by Koma…
“… I was afraid of that happening, so I didn’t want to ruin the comfortable current relationship between me and Koma… Úntil now, I’ve been running from my feelings.”
That’s right. I’ve been running… Isn’t everything just like Kanakana has guessed?
“You’ve just been running away from your feelings”
For example, kissing to restore Koma’s sense of taste… I deliberately worded it as ‘kissing’ rather than ‘kissing’… I had convinced myself it was just a therapeutic act. (TN: She uses the formal wording instead for the kissing between lovers and etc.)
In doing so, I’ve tried to keep my feelings of love out of my mind. I was deceiving my feelings so that Koma wouldn’t realize what I was feeling.
“You two who cross certain lines are more distant than others. You’re twins, family… It feels like there is a tremendous wall between you.”
… That kind of attitude of mine has created a wall between me and Koma, as Kanakana says… distance between our hearts… I think.
She’s been next to me since I was born, even if she doesn’t realize how much I like her… ‘Nee-sama is hiding something from me’, I think she sensed that I was keeping something close to my chest.
“You are Koma-chan’s best and only trusted ally. So unless the distance between you and Koma-chan’s hearts can be reduced in a real sense… No matter how much you kiss each other every day and how physically close you get, Koma’s taste disorder will never be cured for a long time to come— That’s what I feel.”
… No one feels good about being kept in the dark by someone they trust. And if you are kept in the dark for a long time by your twin sister, who is half your family and half your own body… It must be hard even for the tolerant Koma… No wonder, there’s a wall between our hearts.
“… This wall… prevents Koma’s taste disorder from being cured… ?”
Kanakana made that bold guess… As I have been frantically trying to cure that taste disorder for six years of Koma all the while, Kanakana’s guess strangely feels right.
“… Kiss to restore Koma’s taste sense—- The kiss had to be with me, not anyone else. This means that the treatment of Koma’s taste disorder… depends on my presence.”
When Aunty Meiko tried kissing Koma before… there was no reaction at all. Maybe I’m being overly self-conscious, but I’m probably certain that I’m the key to curing Koma’s taste buds.
“So… If I follow that reasoning. As long as I am the key, the reason why Koma’s taste disorder could not be cured for six years is because… I have not been able to approach Koma in some kind of way…”
So how do we get rid of that wall, that distance between our hearts and minds? What is it that I haven’t been able to do with Koma all this time?
… I know there are honestly countless things I haven’t done with Koma… I think the best thing is still, as Kanakana pointed out, ‘to talk honestly with each other’.
“Push your feelings onto her. Tell her how you’ve suffered 4 years. And how you felt guilty… And how you feel about her. Just reveal everything and all to her.”
… A honest conversation with Koma. That ultimately leads to me revealing what I’ve kept hidden from her.
… Can I do it? Will it be okay? I’m not sure if I can do that? Do I have the right to do such a huge thing…? Doing that without fear of anything… In the unlikely event that Koma’s taste disorder worsens, I—
“From now on… I want you to be proud of yourself.”
For an instant, I felt timid. I hear Kanakana’s words from earlier in my head.
“… What are you being so timid about? You can’t be. Get a grip on yourself, Tachibana Mako. I promised to my best friend earlier…”
Continuing like this, even the idiot me can understand that it’s not good for Koma, and it’s not good for me. I received courage and advice. I’ve been forcefully pushed from behind. Thanks to you… I’m prepared, Kanakana…
I can’t think about the ‘If I make a move badly and make Koma’s taste disorder worse~’ nonsense any more. If for example, it were to get worse… So what does it matter. From the very start, I was going to spend the rest of my life with Koma, right? I’ll take care of my Koma for the rest of my life, even if she rejects me or doesn’t like me. Isn’t that all that matters?
I’ll keep my promise with Kanakana. I’ll release Koma’s spell…. And then, I’ll be honest with my feelings of love. I only have one thing to do.
“… Have an honest conversation with Koma… And then—-”
—- And then, confess ‘I love you’ to Koma.
~Side: Koma~
I ran away from the roof… ran without control… I found myself at my home, where I, Nee-sama and Aunt-sama live.
“… Nee, sama…”
I’m sure that I look quite pale right now. I’m sure that Aunt-sama will say ‘What happened at school’ when she sees me in this state.
… Realising this, I did not immediately enter our home, but sat on my knees in front of the front door.
‘… When she has a nightmare and I see Koma calling out to me for help in her dream, I also synchronize with Koma… I remember that day six years ago. I get flashbacks in my head of what Koma looked like that day.”
‘I am also the cause of Koma’s taste disorder. I also created the ridiculous situation where Koma and I were forced to kiss each other on the mouth… It’s my fault for making her dependent on that abnormal behavior… That’s right… Everything, all of it, is my fault because I’m hopeless…’
‘I’m a lousy human being who can’t protect her little sister, and instead of protecting her, I’ve driven her into a corner… I’m that kind of person, so I can’t go out with someone else and leave my sister… I don’t deserve to have someone like me—-’
“~~~~~~~~~~~~!”
When I was running home, I didn’t have to think about it, but as soon as I sat down… The sad confession Nee-sama let out on the rooftop, the image of it, the voice of it, attacks me in my head.
… I didn’t… know about it at all. How could I have been tormenting Nee-sama for so many years, completely unbeknownst to me…
“… Am I stupid…?”
I bite my lip as hard as I can and spit it out the flowing blood like that. What am I saying ‘Nee-sama is too servile’…. or ‘Punishment game for reforming.’
I’ve spoken so self-important… It’s not even funny …… since it was me, of all people, who changed Nee-sama in that way!
“… If something like that happened… It’s no wonder, Nee-sama became so servile!”
Nee-sama who is very responsible and kinder than anyone else… for the four years I was sleeping with her… for the last six years I have had a taste disorder… it must’ve been nothing but torture for her.
Blaming herself… the result is a servile character… Who could blame Nee-sama in this case?
“… Aren’t I responsible for everything…?”
Nee-sama has been suffering for such a long time. Every time she kissed me before every meal, she was struggling with past trauma… How carefree of me thinking, ‘I’m glad I have taste disorder and can Nee-sama every day’…
It was me, of all people, who made her servile… I used Nee-sama’s personality to impose a ridiculous and selfish rule that ‘if she says something self-deprecating, you get a kiss as punishment’…?
I want to disappear… I want to disappear from Nee-sama’s presence… So selfishly… I made Nee-sama suffer, I’m… the worst and useless little sister… Disappearing is bett—-
“…. (*Mumble*, *Mumble*, *Mumble*) I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry——-”
I keep muttering apologies to Nee-sama, who is not here, like a curse… If I don’t do this, if I don’t keep apologising like this… I don’t know if I can keep myself together… I don’t think I can stand it.
“…? Oi, Mako? Or is it Koma? I hear someone outside, but… Did someone come home?”
“…..!? Y-Yes, Aunt-sama! I… I’m back, Aunt-sama…!”
My murmurings apparently reached the ears of Aunt-sama, who works in our home. In a panic I get up and reply back, trying to appear as normal as possible.
“Welcome home, Koma…. Mn? It’s just you? Mako is not with you?”
“Yes! Ne… Nee, sama… She had something to do at school… And she wanted me to go ahead of her…”
“Fuun. Is that so? Well, anyhow, get in the house. It’s cold outside… Aah, that’s right. Check the mailbox a bit before you go in the house!”
Aunt-sama did not seem particularly bothered by my attitude. I’m secretly relieved…. I don’t want Aunt-sama to worry… If she realizes that something is wrong… I’m afraid she might report me to Nee-sama…
“… I can reflect and think about it when you get back to my room.”
If I stay in a place like this for too long, there is a high risk that Aunt-sama will get an inkling of what’s going on. In front of Aunt-sama and…Nee-sama… Somehow, I managed to pretend that nothing happened today… All that’s left is for me to be alone in my room …… reflecting and thinking …… about what I should do from now on.
I’m thinking about this and checking the mailbox as Aunt-sama told me to do. The evening newspaper is in it… And there was an envelope with ‘Dear Koma Tachibana’ written on the front.
“…..? An envelope… addressing me? The sender’s name… is not written.”
It only has our home address and my name on it, but not the sender’s name on the front or back…. Usually the sender’s name is written. Why have they not written it down?
I opened the envelope on the spot with the aim of distracting myself, wondering a little.
Inside the envelope… There was a letter and a piece of notepaper. The notepaper had a telephone number on it, and the letter had—
“I want to talk for a bit. If you like, you can call the number on the note. From your mother.”
“… Kaa, sama…?” (TL: Mother)
— Kaa-sama who gave birth to me and Nee-sama… And then in a way triggering the onset of my taste disorder… That was written in the letter.
Author’s notes: (Finally) Mako is prepared. She got encouraged by the gallant Kanakana. And Koma is disturbed by many things.
In case you missed it, this is the end of the October volume. Next is the November volume… I’m planning to include a January volume, a February or March volume, a high school or university volume and a few extra volume, but the main storyline of Hopeless sister’s story is scheduled to end in the November volume. I wonder if it was long… or if it was short.
Tintan 