HS Chapter 96: The hopeless sister sheds tears

~Side: Koma~

—- Mako-nee-sama who was always right next to me with a lovely smile on her face. Mako-nee-sama, who supported me cheerfully at all times. Mako-nee-sama, who protected me with her courage and strength, the same way now as in the past.

“… When she has a nightmare and I see Koma calling out to me for help in her dream, I also synchronize with Koma like… I remember that day six years ago. I get flashbacks in my head of what Koma looked like that day.”

“I am also the cause of Koma’s taste disorder. I also created the ridiculous situation where Koma and I were forced to kiss each other on the mouth… It’s my fault for making her dependent on that abnormal behavior… That’s right… Everything, all of it, is my fault because I’m hopeless…!”

“I’m a lousy human being who can’t protect her little sister, and instead of protecting her, I’ve driven her into a corner… I’m that kind of person, so I can’t go out with someone else and leave my sister… I don’t deserve to have someone like me—-”

… I tremble at the shocking confession, which is very unlike my usually cheerful Nee-sama. Her voice is weak and trembling, her expression is distorted, her eyes unfocused and somewhat vacant… 

“Aa…aaaah…”

… Once I was listening to Nee-sama’s heart-wrenching confession. And looking at Nee-sama’s appearance, she’s in a lot of pain. Immediately, my limbs begin trembling and I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel dizzy and vertigo, with a feeling of my blood flowing backwards through my body.

“(It’s my… fault? I didn’t… The reason for my Nee-sama’s servility… is me…? The one who troubled Nee-sama… It’s me…? All of it, it is… my fault…?)”

… Before I notice it myself, I’m walking away from the rooftop— No, I’m fleeing away.

“(I… am sorry… I’m very sorry… Please forgive me… Nee-sama!)”

I simply ran out of school wholeheartedly, while apologizing desperately to Nee-sama in my mind… Originally, I went to the rooftop… Because I had to tell Nee-sama, ‘No, don’t!’. At the very least, I had to go so far to see Nee-sama’s response to Kanai-sama’s confession and her reaction.

I myself, Nee-sama…  I’ve been troubling my beloved Nee-sama for a long time and now that I realize it… I couldn’t stand it any longer.

~Side: Mako~

I’m grateful from my heart for Kanakana confessing to me… And I, Mako Tachibana, just explained to her why I can’t go out with her.

“… I’m sorry, Kanakana… I’m sorry you had to go along with this worthless story. But… Let me say just this. I… I’m a lousy human being who can’t protect her little sister, and instead of protecting her, I’ve driven her into a corner… I’m that kind of person, so I can’t go out with someone else and leave my sister… I don’t deserve to have someone like me—-”

“… Mako, you…”

“I have not even a single thing worth for having a nice person like Kanakana like me. That’s why… I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I… I can’t go out with Kanakana…”

I bow my head and apologise while saying that.

“… Haa….”

Kanakana let out the biggest sigh of the day due to me… 

“—- Are you an idiot, is that it!?”

“… Huh?”

She said that with veins popping on her forehead.

“I prepared myself to see what kind of reason you’d have, but… That’s the reason!? You rejected me because of that kind of reason!?”

“E, eh…?”

“Mako, are you underestimating me!? If you intend to keep messing around, then I’ll ravish you by force!?”

“Ravi, ravish…!?”

Kanakana grabs me by the collar and is furious. Aren’t you saying a lot of absurd things in anger, Kanakana-san…!? 

“Don’t deserve to be liked by others!? You don’t deserve to be liked!? What’s up with that? There’s a limit to how much you can underestimate me, Mako! It is 100 times better to be told clearly that ‘I can’t go out with you because I don’t like Kanakana’ than to be rejected using such a stupid deception!”

“Wha!? Please wait, Kanakana! I’m not underestimating Kanakana and something like not liking you… And what is a stupid deception? … I wasn’t trying to deceive you or anything!?”

“Yes, you are! You’re deceiving your own feelings and mine as well!”

“… Kanakana’s… and my own feelings… I’m deceiving…?”

How? What the hell has Kanakana been trying to say since earlier?

“… Don’t tell me, you’re not realizing that you’re deceiving yourself of what’s important to you?”

“What are you on about, Kanakana?”

“… You don’t realize it at all. Really… You’re a very troublesome girl…”

When I honestly voice my doubts, Kanakana puts her hand on her forehead and sighs again, with an expression like she’s biting a bitter candy.

“… Listen, Mako. I’m sure you’ve been racking your brains for the past week to come up with a believable excuse, but… There are things that you can’t explain with that excuse.”

“What do you mean…?”

“… I wonder if Mako remembers. Just recently… We talked about the punishment game, about the time I begged you to kiss you.That day… You refused to kiss me and pushed me away, right?”

“Aaah, un… Of course, I remember that.”

“… That’s right, you remember it. Then listen to me, Mako. Why did you at that time… Push me away and hate being kissed by me?”

“…!?”

I’m slightly jolted by Kanakana’s sharp comment… That is the biggest question that had been nagging at me all week.

“See, you can’t answer me, Mako. Why is that? Why did you refuse my kiss?”

“… That’s…”

“That is?”

“That time… Because there were people around… And if we’d done it badly, there would’ve been an uproar…”

“… Fuun. Is that what you think? Then— It’s just me and Mako here—- I wonder if I can kiss you?”

“!? No, you can’t! You can’t…!?”

I’m in a great hurry to get away from Kanakana, who tries to gently bring her wet, glistening lips to mine. Eh… Ehh…? Again, I….

“… Mako. Why are you refusing my kiss? This is our private rooftop, where no one else is around and no one can see us.”

“Ah, eh… No, that’s… Ettoo… That’s, as I thought…”

“As you thought?”

“Just like I don’t deserve for you to like me, I don’t deserve to have you kiss me…”

“… You’re lying again.”

　As I was at a loss for words, mumbling, Kanakana looked a little annoyed and asked me further.

“… Let me change the question, Mako. In that case, Mako, why… Do you not refuse Koma’s kiss?”

“Eh…?”

“I’ll say this in advance, but… I’m not talking about the example of kissing her to get her taste buds back. I’m talking about the kissing punishment game. As I recall, Mako said that you had set up a punishment game between yourselves where if you made a demeaning remark in front of Koma-chan, Koma-chan would kiss you, am I wrong?”

“U, un…”

“… Now, I’ll ask you again. Why don’t you want to kiss me… And kissing Koma is okay with you?”

“… That is…”

“It’s strange, isn’t it. Does Mako owe Koma-chan any more than this? In that case, your train of thought… ‘I don’t deserve to kiss Koma or to be kissed by her.’ —- Shouldn’t it be like that? Aren’t you strongly refusing to kiss me now? Am I wrong?”

“….”

…. Kanakana’s right. Originally, when Kanakana was approaching to kiss me—- Just like Koma— No, I think it’s because I feel more guilty towards Koma than anybody else… I doubt whether I can refuse… any kiss other than kiss for restoring her taste buds.

In that case… Why am I not rejecting the punishment game with Koma… ? Why is Koma the exception…? 

“You can’t answer me. That’s why I keep saying you’re lying to yourself and me…! You don’t deserve to have someone like me and therefore don’t deserve to be kissed?… How am I wrong!? Isn’t that true!? Mako, you… You….!”

“I…?”

“You… You don’t want to be kissed by anyone other than that one person…! That’s right. Tachibana Mako doesn’t want to kiss or be kissed by anyone other than Tachibana Koma…!”

“… I don’t want to kiss anybody other than Koma…”

“I’ll tell you exactly what that means, so that even you who are an idiot and hopeless can understand it…! Tachibana Mako… You…!”

With tears welling up at the edges of her eyes, Kanakana takes a deep breath. And then she continues with her soul in it.

“You… You like Koma-chan…! Not just as family. Not just like a sister. As a person… You like, you love her so much…! You’re in love with your little sister, Koma…!”

“…ah”

… That’s the answer to the problem I couldn’t get even after a week of thinking. No, I actually knew. Maybe I’ve been aware of it from the beginning… But Kanakana was right, I’ve been lying with my answer.

‘As family, and more than as a sister… I like Koma as Tachibana Mako. I’m in love with Tachibana Mako’ was my answer.

“I…. I really knew it! … A week ago when I begged you to kiss me… I understood it perfectly when you rejected it in a clear and unambiguous way…! The truth is that Mako doesn’t want to share her lips with anyone other than Koma-chan! I knew that Mako likes Koma-chan! Mako is seriously in love with Koma-chan, I knew it!”

“au…”

The hand clutching the breast is trembling and her voice is gradually fading. Nevertheless, Kanakana does her best to reveal her own strong feelings to me.

“I already knew that before I came here…! I knew that my love wouldn’t reach you…! I knew that I’d definitely get dumped…! Even so… I came to this place knowing I’d be rejected… At the very least… From Mako who I like, I wanted to hear—- I wanted you to say, ‘I can’t go out with you because I have someone I love.’! If you did so, I thought for sure I’d give up on you…!”

“Ka, Kanakana…”

“However, it wasn’t that or ‘I can’t think of an answer now’—- I wouldn’t have minded you rejecting me, saying ‘I’m sorry, you’re not my type’! I wouldn’t have minded in any way, as long as I could have had Mako express her honest feelings for me, I would have been satisfied with that! But, but, you…!”

Kanakana’s face turned red, her shoulders shook and she made a clenched fist… Then she beats while shouting.

“I couldn’t believe, Mako… You deceived your feelings and said ‘I don’t deserve to be liked’ and ‘I don’t deserve to be liked by Kanakana’— I didn’t think you would deny my love using such a ridiculous excuse!”

Kanakana’s short comment pierces my heart deeper and deeper.

“… I… I… I. Even now… I remember every single word Mako said to me when I first met her. On that day, Mako—”

‘Because I only live once, and whoever I fall in love with, that’s my choice, right? I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, and there’s nobody who’ll deny me these feelings… Rather. You only live once, so it would be a shame if you didn’t love the person you fell in love with the most.”

“— That’s what you said.”

That’s right after I got into this school. A minor event that is only a hazy memory for me. But for Kanakana, it was a shocking event that made her fall in love with me.

“I was heartbroken and hurt at the time, and Mako’s words were a great help to me. Your words gave me the courage to get back on my feet. They were powerful words that made me want to work hard and fall in love beautifully again. That’s right… What I want to say is, Tachibana Mako… You told me this! ‘You’re free to love whoever you want’…”

“Kanakana…”

“And then that Mako…  Deceived her own feelings in love with Koma-chan …… ‘I don’t deserve to be liked by you. I am not worthy to be liked. So I’m sorry, I can’t go out with you.’—- Why did you say that!? There’s a limit to how much you can mess around! And making fun of me!? I thought you were hopeless… But I never thought you’d be this much!”

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Being liked by others and like others… Do you even need qualifications for that!? I thought you said you’re free to love who you like!? Are you saying that everything you said to me that day was a lie…!?”

… By now, the advice of Dr. Chiyuri and Himecchi have sunk in. Aah, I see…

They said, ‘Don’t overthink it. Put your honest feelings into it’. That is… Both knew this would happen…

“Please, please… I don’t mind if you are in love with someone else. Rejecting me is fine, too. But, but… If you’re going to reject me, at least say ‘Because I love someone else. I love Koma.’! Don’t fool yourself about how you feel! I fell in love with you so don’t deny me with ‘I’m not qualified or worthy to have you like me’!”

“U, un…! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Kanakana…!”

“… If you’d just apologized so easily, like that… From the beginning… I can see that falling in love with you was never a mistake… Please continue staying lovely as you are…!?”

When she gets to that point, Kanakana bursts into large tears from her eyes as if the dams have broken, and she falls to her knees and cries on the spot.

As I get close to Kanakana I hug her like that, I apologize one more time in my heart— And then, thank you.

‘(I’m sorry, Kanakana… I unconsciously denied your love for me. And then… Thank you. For making me realize my own love…)’

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Author’s notes: She liked Koma as a family member, her sister.

From now on, she likes her as a girl.